late posting

14th Dec 2010, sunny

I cried last night, for so many times. I don't know why, till when I came back to my room at around 11pm, I was like thinking back on everything that happened, I realize today's date,
Yeah,today is the day when you leave me 2 years ago.
14th Dec,how could I forget this?!?!

I cried three times last night, for three different reasons, but for the same person.

I think back when you were in Sunway hospital, struggling on the bed, that mum that is not my mum, I didn't have a single feel that tell me that is my mum. That was totally not you. I remembered that day, when daddy came home with my lunch, and asked me to pack my things, telling me that I have to stay in the hospital overnight, your situation is getting worst, and just when I reached there, you're not you, you don't recognize anyone there, even me, nor daddy. Just awhile, I'd been told you must change to Selayang hospital. It was like just awhile, such a big change.

Then I think back when we reached Selayang hospital, you still struggling, on the bed, many people there, some followed us from Sunway hospital, some rushed here when they get the news. And it was just another AWHILE, the doctor gave you some medicine, and make you sleep, like, forever.

Everything was like just awhile, and when I think back, only I realize, all this happened just in TWO WEEKS! JUST TWO WEEKS! From the first hospital(I forgot the name), then to Sunway and lastly Selayang hospital. It was just two weeks!

Think back and think back, I also realize that I've successfully controlled myself, to only cry in dark. I just won't cry, never, when the light is on, nor when the sun is shining big.

22nd Dec, will be the date you leave me according to Chinese traditional calendar, I wanna go to Nilai memorial park to visit you, without flowers, food nor incense, but only fruits, JUST FRUITS!!
I can't even do a little bit things for you before and after you leave.
And I realize I never bought you a pack of food before this, I cooked many times for you, but never bought any nice food for you. T__T

Sorry mum, really,
sorry....

The vege stall in cafeteria is off next week, that means, I have to eat instant noodle for my lunch for the whole week. T___T
Take it positive! Instant noodle is nice! Aren't it? huhu~